| Suicide is nothing but an attempt at | | | | cough syrup. I then went to a back |
| control. A selfish, manipulative method | | | | room, put a tub under my arm and cut |
| of trying to get what you want. I know | | | | myself deep enough to bleed to death. I |
| more reasons exists for suicide but for | | | | have to laugh today because I remember |
| me it was the ultimate act of | | | | thinking, "ok Bob your sister is going |
| selfishness. | | | | to be really mad if you bleed on her |
| The day was bright. My mind was so | | | | carpet. So, I took time to put a bucket |
| dark. I was drinking, taking drugs, and | | | | under my arm. Well, things didn't turn |
| my wife was divorcing me. | | | | out the way I had planned. My brother |
| I was living with my sister in Gulfport, | | | | in law came home early and found me and |
| MS. and I just wanted to go home or die. | | | | called an ambulance, I lived. |
| My mind was in such a state of | | | | Today, I will never give up again. |
| confusion and turmoil that death seemed | | | | Since that moment in time years ago, |
| like an answer. Yet, it was just | | | | many things have changed in my life. I |
| another way of saying I will control my | | | | found a way out of addiction. I found a |
| life, no matter what. | | | | God who brings me joy, peace, and |
| My wife's dad had died. I didn't really | | | | comfort in times of troubles. Oh, I |
| care if he died or not. I just wanted | | | | have wanted to die many times. And, I |
| what I wanted and when I wanted it. I | | | | have tried to kill myself several times. |
| desperately wanted my wife to let me | | | | And, they say a person who attempts |
| come home and she was dead set on not | | | | suicide will one day actually finish the |
| allowing me back in the house. Today I | | | | job. Today, I know suicide is not the |
| understand why, and appreciate her | | | | answer. |
| decision, but at the time, I hated her | | | | Suicide is not the solution. My |
| and I hated me and I would show her who | | | | solution has been a willingness to trust |
| was boss. | | | | God. In a jail cell in Hattiesburg, |
| After the funeral my wife and son, | | | | Mississippi, I turned my will and life |
| stopped by and I began my begging. "Let | | | | over to Jesus Christ. He has worked for |
| me come home. Please I beg you, I am | | | | me. For me, He was the only thing that |
| going to die if I don't get to come | | | | did work. I needed a complete |
| home." I pleaded, cried, pleaded, and | | | | transformation of my mind. He is doing |
| cried some more but the answer was the | | | | for me what no human power can do or |
| same. "No Bob you can't come home." My | | | | ever could do. Let me encourage you to |
| wife said repeatedly. | | | | try calling on His name. Surrender your |
| I turned to my young son and ask, | | | | will and power to His power. If you are |
| "Wesley do you want daddy to come home?" | | | | seriously thinking about suicide, you |
| He said, "No Dad I don't want you to | | | | need to get on the phone, right now, and |
| come home." | | | | dial 911. Tell some one how you feel. |
| I died! I had tried everything I knew | | | | Call the police. Call someone and let |
| to do but now even my own son didn't | | | | him or her know what you are thinking. |
| want to be around me. They left and I | | | | I promise life will get better. It did |
| made the decision to kill myself. I | | | | for me. It took time for me to learn |
| will show them. I will make them hurt | | | | how to live life on life terms but I |
| as much as I do. Self will run riot | | | | will not give up again. If you can't |
| even to the point of death. | | | | call someone or will not call anyone |
| I went in the house took a full bottle | | | | write me. My email address is God |
| of blood pressure pills, a bottle of | | | | bless you and He will. |
| Thorazine and two or more bottles of | | | | |