Don't let the problems overcome you


Setting The Scene For Success In Nj Divorce

The traditional adversarial system continues
to draw criticism when aggressively appliedHowever, the real change necessary to
to family law cases. Apart from thesimplify and create an atmosphere of less
inefficiencies, impracticalities and costs ofconfrontation shall result from the
such approaches, the reasons for abandoningindividual professionals taking appropriate
these poorly conceived methods of disputeaction - the Judge, the attorneys, the other
resolution  should  be  obvious:expert professionals, such as mental health
professionals and financial professionals,
1. Combative fires tend to be fanned andcalled upon to assist one party, the other,
magnified with each contested Courtor  both  parties.
proceeding, thereby creating the potential
for  long-term  conflict;Each professional person coming into contact
with the parties in the family law "system"
2. Negative emotions and feelings of thehas a significant opportunity to "assist" the
parties are allowed to significantly impactparty/client/patient, rather than to
the attorneys actions on behalf of their"advocate." The goal of the family law
clients;professional should not be to represent his
or her clients interests blindly, but to be
3. The potential for professional ill-willmindful of the clients best interests in
between attorneys and professional experts islight of the entire familys long-term
created, while heightening the potential forinterest, both financial and emotional. If
gross animosity between attorneys andchildren are involved, their interests must
opposing  parties.be paramount. If there are financial issues,
they must be approached with a sense of
The litigation process influences theobjectivity  and  fairness  to  both  sides.
attorney to take every available advantage
for the client, put the clients case in theMost parties arrive in the family law
best possible light, not offer evidence that"system" via the divorce attorney. Some
is harmful to the client (with somepersons will have contact with a mental
exceptions), and challenge everythinghealth professional or clerical member.
possible, in the opponents case. The opposingOthers will have discussions with their
attorney  has  the  same  job.accountant, family physician or other trusted
family friends. Yet, it is the attorney who
Most attorneys in the adversarial process aremost often has the first real opportunity to
so caught up with the clients "cause," thatchange  the  way  the  system  operates.
the attorney can lose sight of any and all
sense of objectivity, which is required toThe first contact between the attorney and
analyze both sides of an issue. Manyclient is critical and will probably set the
attorneys are all too willing to believe theparameters of the relationship between the
"emotional" version of the clients facts, andattorney and client throughout the entire
not inclined to scrutinize the informationcase. The attorney can easily take sides with
for  false  or  misleading  claims.the client, support the client in every way,
and begin planning a strategic attack on the
The contested dissolution of marriage case isother side at this beginning point. Or, the
a family disaster waiting to happen. Asattorney can sit back and listen to the
difficult and bad as things seem to be duringclient (listening is, of course, an excellent
the litigation of a family law case, the realcommunication technique). At some point,
battle, the real conflicts, are yet to behowever, the attorney must ask some
realized. After the Final Judgment is enteredquestions, explore the facts not being
whereby a Judge determines contested issues,volunteered by the client, and inform the
if there are one or more minor children orclient of reasonable expectations
any ongoing financial support matters or anynotwithstanding the clients feelings, wishes
other issues over which the Court hasand  concerns.
retained jurisdiction, an odyssey of struggle
and conflict will surely ensue for as long asA  problem-solving  approach  would include:
the Court has jurisdiction over the parties
and  subject  matters.1) Assessing whether the client, in fact,
needs an attorney at this point. Is the
What can be done to avoid this "never-ending"marriage really over? Is it realistic to
conflict resulting from litigating family lawconsider  saving  the  marriage?
issues? Probably nothing immediately, but
over a period of time, changes can occur2) Counseling that children are not to be
which will result in most of these kinds of"used" as pawns. Their best interests must be
issues not being litigated. However, changeconsidered, which normally means regular,
is slow in the traditional legal arena wherefrequent  contact  with  both  parents.
attorneys are trained and experienced in
relying  upon  precedent  and  stare decisis.3) Encouraging or discouraging communication
between the parties, depending upon the
Significant changes in process are required;relationship and feelings of the parties
however, the professionals practicing in thetoward  each  other.
adversary system may be resistant to change
and unwilling to consider different and4) Avoiding any action that will result in
creative means in representing a family lawantagonizing the other side or in engendering
client. Also, such creative and innovativedistrust. Typically, an attorneys letter
changes in process may appear to be eitherarticulating his or her clients grievance or
unethical or in violation of the attorneysposition may result in additional ill-will
duties to fully represent the client, therebyand additional disagreement between the
further  delaying  change.parties. Consider picking up the telephone
and talking with the opposing lawyer first
As time progresses, changes must occur in theregarding sensitive and potentially
"system" which will result in a process whichconfrontational  issues.
is more practical, simplified, less
financially expensive, less time-consuming5) Treating the other side with courtesy. Try
and less confrontational. Moreover, changesto overlook actions that will appear to be,
are occurring whereby legal procedural rulesor are, in fact, uncooperative or insulting.
in many states now require alternate disputeInstead of responding in a like fashion, the
resolution at various stages of litigation,attorney should start to attempt cooperation.
as well as required financial disclosure andAvoid emotional reactions and deal with the
supplemental disclosures periodically duringfactual issues logically.
litigation.



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